It started on a peaceful Saturday morning. I was brushing my teeth, minding my own business, when I overheard her yelling:
“Five thousand! I just hit five thousand!”
I almost dropped my toothbrush. “Five thousand what?”
She burst into the bathroom, holding her phone like she’d just won a lottery. “Followers! My video went viral!”
“…Video of what?”
She grinned. “You.”
I stopped brushing. “Me?”
“You were sleeping with your mouth open. It looked like you were summoning spirits.”
—
She had started a social media account. A fan page.
Not for herself.
For us.
“We’re adorable,” she said, tapping through her posts. “People love your grumpy face.”
I snatched the phone.
There were dozens of videos.
— Me carrying her umbrella while looking miserable.
— Me cooking in silence while she danced behind me.
— Me snoring. With subtitles.
“‘When your husband is an ancient grumpy cat forced into marriage.’ Really?”
She nodded. “It fits.”
“…You gave me a character backstory?”
—
It didn’t stop there.
The next morning, I was ambushed with a selfie stick. “Say ‘I love my wife!’”
“I love my—what is this?!”
“Reels! Engagement boost!”
“I’m in boxers!”
“That’s the charm!”
By Wednesday, strangers started recognizing me on the street.
“Hey, you’re the sleepy husband guy, right?”
By Friday, someone asked if we had merch.
By Saturday, she designed matching pajamas with cartoon versions of us on the front. She called it our “couple brand.”
I called it psychological warfare.
—
But I couldn’t deny the comments.
> “These two are goals.”
“He acts annoyed but he loves her so much.”
“I watch them when I feel down.”
One even said, “I wish I had someone who made me smile like that.”
And suddenly, the glitter in her chaos didn’t seem so bad.
—
That night, she curled up beside me, phone in hand, editing our latest video.
I sighed. “You know you’re insane, right?”
She looked up. “Insanely in love with you?”
“Insanely something, that’s for sure.”
She giggled, kissed my cheek, and whispered, “Thank you for letting me be a little weird.”
I paused. Then smiled.
“Fine. But if you post that video of me dancing last week, I’m sleeping in the dog’s bed.”
“…Too late.”
—
To be continued…
